Should I settle? This is the question we will discuss for part six of “Because God Said.” When you read the question, what was your immediate answer? If it was “yes,” perhaps, the thought might be you have waited years and years for God to fulfill a specific desire, and still God has not. As a result, you might argue it would not be settling but more so helping things along. So, for example, the standards you had for whom you would consider to be in a romantic relationship with starts to change to accommodate the quality of men you are seeing. Please know if you are considering compromising your standards just to have a romantic relationship, in the long-term, it will lead to more pain than remaining single.
Another argument might be it depends on what you are waiting on the Lord for. Some of you might be waiting on the Lord for a specific job, a house, marriage, etc. Yes, these things all require waiting; and yet, there requires active waiting on our part. If you are waiting for the Lord to open the door for a specific job, you must take the step to network and apply for jobs. If you are waiting for a house, you must take the step to look for houses on the market. For my sisters-in-Christ who desire to be married, there are things you can do to position yourself to be found such as attending co-ed single church groups and sharing with your community your desire for marriage; maybe, they know a godly man who too is single and desires marriage. In addition, be open to online dating. Whatever it is you are waiting on the Lord for, always first seek the Lord in what step of action He is wanting you to take in the waiting.
Now if your immediate answer to the question, should I settle was “no,” what better place to make this case than Scripture? There are numerous stories of waiting in God’s Word. To name a few there was Joseph who waited for the dream God gave him as a teenager to be fulfilled, there was Hannah who waited year after year for a child, and there was the Israelites who waited forty years in the wilderness before entering the Promise Land. And there are stories such as Abram and Sarai where we read about the consequences of not waiting on the Lord. These stories of waiting and the stories of people who took matters into their own hands are necessary reminders of how waiting on the Lord is worth it.
God’s Word is always true regardless of what century it is; therefore, God’s opinion on settling is the one all Christ followers must follow. There are plenty of verses in Scripture that discuss waiting. Many were written by a man who waited well over a decade to become king of Israel: David. David writes, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:14). The Holy Spirit through David makes it clear: God wants us to wait on Him.
Since God wants us to wait on Him, why do we wrestle with the question of should I settle? For the answer, let us look at what Paul writes in Galatians 6:9. He says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” When the months and years go by, and God has not fulfilled your one long-awaited desire He put within you, what do you start to feel? Restless? Anxious?
The phrase Paul uses to capture what one might feel when the wait is long is “become weary.” What does it mean to “become weary?” The Greek word for the phrase is “ekkakeō,” which is pronounced: “ek-kak-eh’-o.” It means in this verse, “[T]o be utterly spiritless, to be wearied out, exhausted.” Have you ever experienced any of those feelings in waiting? I have.
If you have read my “About Christia” page or have been reading my blog at any point over the last seven years, then you know my long-awaited desire has been marriage. The Lord has taken me on quite the journey over the last seven years. He molded my perspective on marriage, He opened my eyes to how much of a passive waiter I was, and He challenged me to be an active waiter. In addition, He answered (and exceeded) in how He fulfilled other desires, and He transformed the way I see myself (and what He calls and equips me to do to further His Kingdom), so that it can be in alignment with how He sees me as His beloved daughter. God is so good and faithful. I know this. I have seen this as I am sure you have too in your life and the lives of those around you.
And yet, there are periods where the thought arises will God ever fulfill this specific desire? I experienced weariness in my life in early to mid-January 2023, and so, I cried out to the Lord asking/pleading with Him to take away my desire for marriage. He heard my cry, and He brought to my mind Galatians 6:9. The Lord gave me something so much sweeter than what I asked Him to do in the mist of my weariness. He assured me I was on the path that He had for me, and He led me to His promise that He would fulfill my desire for marriage at the proper time.
My friend, I cannot tell you when God will fulfill the desire He gave me for marriage, nor can I tell you when God will open the door for your desires. What God is telling you is to not become weary in the waiting. He is telling you to wait and not settle for something or someone He has not chosen for you. Yes, there are days and moments when it will be difficult. It is in those moments that God wants you to come to Him with your tears, your pain, your feelings of hopelessness, your thoughts of settling, and your weariness. Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
Will you choose to go to Him today?
All Bible verses are from Holy Bible: New International Version