Two words that most (if not all) of us heard as children from our parents is “be still” or “sit still.” If we did not receive those instructions, then we know of someone that did. Another parent phrase we may hear on TV, in movies, or from our parents when referring to their adult children, “You will always be my baby.” A parent may not even communicate those words verbally but their actions towards us illustrate that they still see us as that five-year-old that needs them constantly when we are twenty-five.
For some the solution that solves getting parents to see them as adults is independence. Think of how it is “supposed” to go in life for a child growing up in the United States. When one reaches college age, and one chooses to go to college, then this is the time where a person spreads their wings by staying in a dorm or housing near college. After graduating college, the idea is that one continues to live independent of their parents by perhaps staying in an apartment. One knows that they have reached independence when they can say something along the lines of, “I can take care of myself.”
However, what if not every young adult follows the path most may view the transition from college to post college looks like? Is something wrong with the young adults that are dependent on their parents in some ways? Are they failures? Depending on who one asks, determines the answer to those questions.
Maybe you are asking why is she talking about independence from parents? First, this example can apply to any area in our lives that might not look like most everyone else’s life—I will get to that later. For now, the reason I shared that example is personal experience. To be frank, I struggled with questions along the lines of the ones above just last week! I am twenty-seven years old and still live under my parents’ roof. Since I was a teenager, my desire has been to remain under their roof until I married.
Is it “old-fashioned” to have such a desire as a young woman living in the United States in the 21st century? Sure, it is. I feel that more and more as the majority of my friends around my age no longer live with their parents. I even feel how “old-fashioned” my desire to remain under my parents’ roof until marriage is given how nowadays people are marrying in their thirties and forties. Even though I know that God has given me the desire for marriage, I do not know when He will fulfill it.
Recognizing the situation and the reality around me, brought to my mind a question: is it time to start making plans to move out and be on my own? As I thought about the how and when, I could not avoid thinking about what happened earlier in the month. You may recall in “Rest in Jesus” how I shared that God brought me to the realization that the hours I work at my job needed to be adjusted in order to invest the time needed to do all the things that God asked me to do. The question then became, how could it be time for me to begin the process of moving out when God led me to cut back on my hours at work?
The answer was that the two do not go hand in hand because one was rooted in God leading and the other was rooted in comparison. Comparison is something that I have battled since I was a kid. I can remember as a seven- or eight-year-old comparing my reserved personality to a friend who had a livelier personality. Since childhood, whenever comparison arose, it led to feeling less than whomever it was I compared myself. You might be thinking, because I am a believer, comparative thoughts should have been defeated by now. That is a fair point, and because of Jesus, I have.
Even so, that does not mean that the enemy does not try to trip us up again with something we once struggled. In my journey, the more I let God in, the more He has reshaped my perspective on my identity to reflect His. For instance, I no longer see my reserved personality as something to try to change about myself; God created me with this type of personality for many reasons. One of which is I am an engaged listener and with that comes the opportunity for those I am close to in my life, and those I am not so close to, to be able to share their hearts without wondering if I am thinking about something else as they share.
Please know that we should never be upset at ourselves when doubtful thoughts, comparative thoughts, or when lies enter our minds. They will come. The key is how we respond when those negative thoughts do come. In the previous post, I shared that the word “rest” kept coming to my mind in August. On repeat off and on in my mind since February/March of 2019 are the words, “be still.” The words have come to my mind in different ways. For example, earlier this year, by way of a song called, “Be Still” by Jeremy Camp. In addition to that, by way of Psalm 46:10, which says, “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’”
The verse and the song came across my mind once again last week regarding comparing my living situation with my friends. For you, “be still” could be staying put in the job you are at now until God says it is time to move on. Alternatively, God could be telling you to “be still” as you wait on Him for whom He deems worthy of your heart.
Whenever God asks us to “be still,” there are reasons behind it. Notice in Psalm 46:10 it says, “Be still and know that I am God;” we may not be able to slow down the busyness of our lives physically, but we can take time each day to be still in God’s presence. Be still and listen to what He is telling us to do next. Be still and let Him in to the area(s) of our lives that we have not surrendered to Him. Be still and remember the truth about what God says about us. Be still, draw closer to Him, and discover more about who God truly is.
Who is God? God is many things, but one layer to who He is to us is our Heavenly Father. If you remember earlier in this post, I said that there was another reason why I gave the example of parents, children, and independence. With our earthly parents, there comes a point where we must become independent from them, but this should not be the case with our Heavenly Father, for God wants us to be dependent on Him always. Jesus says,
5I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples (John 15:5-8).
Life as Jesus’ disciple is uncomfortable, but in order to live it out we have to remain connected to Him daily. So, when the anxious thoughts or the longing for desires not yet fulfilled arise, let us shift our focus back to Jesus. Back to what He asks of us to do in the present. For me, instead of letting comparative thoughts about my living situation take root, I choose to “be still” and focus on doing all that He is asking me to do and with that it means I need to continue being under my parents covering for now. There will be a time when I will no longer be under my parents’ roof. There will be a time where you receive direction on what the next step in your career is, or when to walk away from your job, or when the door for that Christ-centered relationship will open.
Whatever He is telling us to “be still” about, we should do as God says. After all, He loved us so much that He gave us the Ultimate Gift in Jesus. Since we accepted this incredible gift in Jesus, who are we not to be still and trust our Heavenly Father with every part of our lives?
All Bible verses are from Holy Bible: New International Version