Take up Your Cross and Believe

I referenced this post in part two of this Take up Your Cross Series as the one that was going to be part two. To back up further, I also considered this post for the first part of this series. Here we are for part three and, with God’s leading, this post is now the one. One would think that I would be jumping up and down shouting, “Finally.” Yet, this post is one that I am both excited and hesitant about. My hesitancy stems from God asking me to write about something that I struggled with in 2018. Nevertheless, as discussed in part one, God will ask us to get uncomfortable. I may not know what the outcome of this will be in my own life, but I know that whomever this post is for, my prayer is that God use what is in this post to speak to you the truth about your journey. So, without further ado, let us get uncomfortable.

If you guessed based on the title that this post’s topic is on belief, you would be correct. It may have crossed your mind as you read the title that I am referring to someone who does not believe in God or someone who used to believe in God but no longer does due to negative experiences with people in a church. To be specific, what I am referring to is when one no longer believes God will provide what they have been waiting for otherwise known as UNBELIEF.

I would venture to say that many during their walk with God dealt with unbelief at one time or another. Please know that unbelief in God providing a desire in your heart DOES NOT MEAN YOU DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD. For me, I never stopped loving God. I watched with joy as God provided in the lives of friends and family, and I praised and thanked God as He provided in my own life. Yet, when it came to the area of waiting for the son, the prince God deemed worthy of my heart, my belief wavered.

The thing about wavering belief is it is not something that happens in one day; it builds over time, and it tends to happen in the wait. Perhaps, you are thinking impatience happens in the wait not unbelief. Good point impatience can happen in the waiting and so can unbelief. Let us look at a woman that many of you may have heard of before Sarah (formerly known as Sarai before God changed her name). If you know Sarah and her husband, Abraham’s (formerly known as Abram before God changed his name) journey of waiting for a child, then you know why their story is in connection to the topic of waiting—if you do not know their full wait story, please read Genesis chapters 12, 15-18 & 21. When waiting and Sarah are in the same conversation, the common description of her is impatient since she takes matters into her own hands. It is understandable why that is the narrative about her, for it is true she did. Genesis 16:1-2 says,

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; ²so she said to Abram, ‘The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.’ Abram agreed to what Sarai said.

One might argue that the reason behind Sarah’s decision was her “biological clock” had come and gone. But is there more behind her motive aside from age and impatience? Before I share what God pointed out to me about Sarah’s motive, I would like to draw attention to a conversation between Abraham and God in the prior chapter. Genesis 15: 1-6 says,

¹After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: ‘Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.’ ²But Abram said, ‘Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?’ ³And Abram said, ‘You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.’ ⁴Then the word of the Lord came to him: ‘This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir.’ ⁵He took him outside and said, ‘Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.’ Then he said to him, ‘So shall your offspring be.’ ⁶Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.

Now that is interesting God told Abraham that he would not only have a biological heir, but his offspring would be as numerous as the stars. Since God said Abraham would have a biological heir, would it not be a reasonable assumption that his wife, Sarah would be the one to have that heir? It would be a fair assumption given Sarah was Abraham’s sole wife. Yet, as we read in Genesis 16, Sarah disagreed. Why? Let us read again what her mindset was before telling her husband to sleep with Hagar; she says, “The Lord has kept me from having children” (Genesis 16:2). In addition to age and impatience, Sarah harbored unbelief that God could give her a biological child.

A thought might be arising in your mind along the lines of how Sarah could have unbelief when God gave her husband clear words about what was to come. Let us all put ourselves in the following illustration. You are at a theme park, and you and your group get in line to ride a ride. When you and your group got in the line, you were excited; you were laughing, and enjoying yourselves as you waited. Then, thirty minutes pass, then an hour, then ninety minutes, then two hours—maybe even longer if it is a real popular ride. How’s your energy level in that hour to two-hour point? Is it starting to dip and are you beginning to question if this ride is even worth the wait? This is the moment where you and your group have a choice to make. Abandon the long wait or persevere? The answer is more often persevere because you can see the finish line and/or you can hear when you are getting closer to the end.

What about when months, years, and even decades go by, and like with Sarah and Abraham, you do not see anything on the horizon? How are you supposed to combat the unbelief from taking hold the longer you wait? First, I will start with what you should not do from personal experience. Earlier in this post, I mentioned that my belief wavered regarding my wait for the son, the prince God deemed worthy of my heart. Well, unbelief took root in me hard. It started with a thought that this long-awaited desire would remain unfulfilled because maybe this desire was not one God gave me. The thought took root deeper and deeper due to isolation since I did not talk about it with anyone (at first); the thought turned into thoughts that it would not happen because of who I am. A couple of examples of thoughts I had were “Why would any man of God choose me when I’m quiet and not interesting?” And, “It’s hard for people to get to know me because I am guarded. What man of God would have the patience to want to get to know me?”

In the final quarter of 2018, I did begin to talk about it with one of the people that I am closest to: my brother who is also my best friend. He pointed out that those were lies, and he spoke the truth; but the thing about when lies take root in us it is a process for God to remove those lies. Suffice it to say there were days that followed where I let my perspective shift to a more positive one and days where the lies would take hold again whenever something triggered them. So, what does this all have to do with this series or even how to combat the unbelief and the lies that will most assuredly come? A story in the New Testament is a great example of how we should respond when we experience unbelief. Mark 9:14-29 says,

¹⁴When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them.¹⁵As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.

¹⁶‘What are you arguing with them about?’ he asked.

¹⁷A man in the crowd answered, ‘Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech.¹⁸Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.’

¹⁹‘You unbelieving generation,’ Jesus replied, ‘how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.’

²⁰So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

²¹Jesus asked the boy’s father, ‘How long has he been like this?’

‘From childhood,’ he answered. ^22‘It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.’

^23‘If you can’? said Jesus. ‘Everything is possible for one who believes.’

²⁴Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’

²⁵When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. ‘You deaf and mute spirit,’ he said, ‘I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.’

²⁶The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, ‘He’s dead.’ ²⁷But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

²⁸After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, ‘Why couldn’t we drive it out?’

²⁹He replied, ‘This kind can come out only by prayer.’

In my journey of God pulling me out of my valley of unbelief, God did some incredible things in me and through me. Knowing God, He will have me share those things in future posts. For now, know that nothing is wrong with you if you have or are experiencing unbelief in your journey of waiting; even so, it is vital that you talk to those you know will speak truth to who God says you are. Ask them to intercede in prayer on your behalf, for THERE IS POWER IN PRAYER. Most importantly, turn to the one who can help you overcome it; cry out to God and be honest with Him about what you are going through as the father in Mark 9 did with Jesus. God is the One that can help us persevere in our journey of waiting for the desire(s) He has given us. Trust and lean on Him. Remember that waiting on Him is always worth it. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

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All Bible verses are from Holy Bible: New International Version